Imagine this: it’s Friday night and you’re sitting at home wondering why your cat keeps looking at you like that every time you forget to feed it for a few days. There’s a million other activities you could be doing, and that’s where I come in to save the day. Let me give you the low-down on what’s in theaters and what you can find at home so that you can end the staring contest with your cat once and for all.
Seriously though Mr. Snuffles, it’s beginning to get uncomfortable.
NOW IN THEATERS
Unless you’ve been living under a rock since 2013, you’re probably familiar with The Conjuring franchise. If you aren’t, then I highly suggest you go watch 3 out of the 4 existing installments right now (skipping the first Annabelle isn’t the end of the world). James Wan and company have built the best horror franchise of the decade, full of all the spooky haunted houses and creepy dolls that you could ask for. The Nun follows a recurring villain of the franchise and explains the creepy demon’s origins, promising tons of atmosphere and even a few jump-scares for the true masochists among us.
Listen, every now and then you just need a good old-fashioned revenge flick. There’s something about just watching an action star dish out some sweet sweet justice, and even though I think this movie should have starred Charlize Theron instead, it still looks pretty good. After a mother (played by Not Charlize Theron) loses everything, she’s willing to go to any lengths necessary to find justice…like training to be a professional killer. I’m not sure what exactly this movie has to do with the delicious red and white striped candy they give you at restaurants when you’ve been a good boy, but I’m sure there’s a reason they called it that.
NOW AVAILABLE TO WATCH AT HOME
Woah woah woah, hasn’t this movie been out for ages now? Well yes, but it’s actually brand new to Netflix as of September 4th. If you haven’t watched it yet, it’s a nice little flick about a man who has no idea that an all-out Infinity War is about to come knocking on his front door. Come on, you know what this is about. It’s Marvel.
Iron Fist- Season 2
And speaking of Marvel, remember that show on Netflix they did about that blonde guy who kept telling everyone he was the Immortal Iron Fist without really doing anything all that impressive? Well, that show is back for Season 2 as of September 7th, and a lot of people are saying it’s heads and tails (and fists) above the first season. If you were looking for a way to kill a weekend instead of just a Friday night, you might do worse than binge-watching the adventures of Danny Rand.
If you’re willing to shell out a few bucks to own it, you can now buy Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom on most digital platforms. I wouldn’t really recommend it (see my lukewarm review here), but it has dinosaurs and Chris Pratt so you’ll probably like it at least a little bit. I’d recommend waiting a few weeks until you can rent it and save yourself a few bucks, but if you’ve been really excited about this one and missed it in theaters then you can go ahead and watch it today. Just remember, I tried to warn you.
SPECIAL SUPER-SECRET PICK OF THE WEEK
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
So this movie has been out since 2005 and I absolutely have a soft spot for it and will shout it’s excellence from the rooftops any chance I get. It’s a perfect blend of dry British wit and creative irreverent sci-fi, and is based on the Douglas Adams book of the same name. It’s new to Netflix as of September 1st, so if you’re looking for a really “out-there” movie that promises a bunch of awkward British laughs and a grand space adventure about an Earthling whose home gets demolished to make way for a bypass, then this is the one that I personally recommend. And yes, it has a 3 minute dolphin dance number at the very beginning. You’re welcome.