What to Watch: Week of September 23

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Listen, I know the struggle.  It’s Thursday night and you’ve been wondering all week how you’re going to kill all that extra time you have lying around this weekend.  Sure, you could bake yourself some Christmas-themed cookies (it’s never too early to start getting in the holiday spirit) or see how many digits of pi you can name off the top of your head, but don’t you ever get tired of doing the same-old, same-old?  Wouldn’t you rather spice things up a little, by going and watching one of these fine ass films as described by yours truly?

That’s what I thought.  Let’s do this thing.

NOW IN THEATERS

 

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The House With a Clock in Its Walls

What even is this movie?  Jack Black and Cate Blanchett, featuring a haunted house, monsters, and directed by gore-porn director Eli Roth?  Is it a kids film or secretly Hostel Part 4: The Magical Spooky House?  Seriously, I’m asking because I’d never even heard of it before writing this article.  But I just watched the trailer here and I have to say…it looks kind of neat.  Mix up The Haunted Mansion with The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and I think you might have a good idea of what this movie is all about.  Regardless, it’s rated PG so it might be your best bet this week if you’re looking to occupy your kids for a couple of hours or just want to watch some zany Jack Black shenanigans.

And it’s based on a book, so it’s basically guaranteed to be really good.

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The Sisters Brothers 

Speaking of movies based on books, here’s another one and it looks to be pretty interesting as well.  John C. Reilly and Joaquin Phoenix play a pair of assassin brothers back in the Old West days of the 1850’s.  They’re on the prowl for a man who possesses a valuable secret, though they’re not quite sure what it is.  Check out the trailer here and get your Western dark-comedy fix when The Sisters Brothers comes out on September 21st.

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Assassination Nation

You ever wondered what a movie that took all the best parts from Mean Girls and The Purge  would look like?  Me either, but the trailer here actually looks like just the right kind of trashy, crazy film that you could watch and have a good time with despite the fact that it’s sort of terrible.  When a whole town has their texts and emails hacked, it drives everybody into a Purge-like frenzy as they realize that all bets are off and privacy no longer exists.

NOW AVAILABLE TO WATCH AT HOME

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The First Purge

Hey, speaking of The Purge, as of September 18th you can pick up a digital copy of the latest film in the Purge franchise if you’re willing to shell out a few bucks.  This film, like it’s title aptly suggests, shows the rise of the annual “Purge” in which all crime is legal for a 24 hour period.

Listen, they’ve made like 14 of these films now.  You know what it is, and you know whether or not it’s your type of movie.  I’m just a humble messenger, but you can peep the trailer here if you’re still unsure.

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The Witch

I know the poster makes it look like two “V’s”, but trust me on this.  It’s a “W”.  I know what I’m doing.

This film sort of made waves in the horror movie circle back when it came out a few years ago, but somehow I’ve still never seen it.  It looks incredibly creepy and it’s by the same wonderful people who brought you Hereditary (which you can find my review of here).  Check out the unnerving, atmospheric trailer here and tell me what you think.

SPECIAL SUPER-SECRET PICK OF THE WEEK

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Scott Pilgrim vs The World

This might just be my favorite movie of all time and you can watch it on Netflix as of September 16th.  This movie has it all: action, comedy, videogames, and even a little romance for the ladies.  But most of all it has a kick-ass soundtrack with the likes of Beck and my personal favorite band Metric involved in it’s creation.  When Scott Pilgrim (played by the ever lovable Michael Cera) literally meets the girl of his dreams, he has no doubt that she’s the one.  But before he can win her hand in romance, he has to defeat seven evil exes from her past.  If nothing else, I promise that Scott Pilgrim vs The World will have the millennial in you fist-pumping by the film’s end because the film is a celebration of all things early-20’s.

Watch it and thank me later.

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